


In A Different Light

by hermitknut



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, Yearning, they both like each other and neither of them are ready to admit it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24143863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermitknut/pseuds/hermitknut
Summary: A short scene from episode 2.4, “Lancelot and Guinevere”, with a slight twist. Takes place just after Arthur and Merlin have left the caves, and Arthur reveals that he didn't know for certain that the berries would protect them from the wildren.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	In A Different Light

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue is lifted directly from the episode; implications of narration are, alas, not.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have risked your life like that.’

Merlin looked at him. Swallowing, he shrugged and said nonchalantly, ‘Well. They do say love makes you do strange things…’

Arthur rounded on him.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Why can’t you just admit your feelings for Gwen?’ Merlin burst out. Arthur started to walk away, but Merlin continued. ‘It’s so obvious! A blind man could see it! Is it really that hard to admit you like her? Just say it!’

If there was a note of bitterness in his voice, Arthur didn’t seem to hear it. He was looking away from Merlin, and even when he looked back he didn’t quite meet his eyes.

‘I can’t. How can I admit that I think about her all the time? Or that I care about her more than anyone? How can I admit that I don’t know what I’ll do if any harm comes to her?’

Merlin’s heart sank like a stone. He tried to ignore it. He’d seen this coming a long way off, he had – and he would not let his own idiocy get in the way. Arthur had to come first. So he bit back his feelings and spoke again, as casually as he could, trying to sound like a caring friend and not a pining, jealous idiot.

‘Why can’t you?’ he asked quietly.

Arthur looked away again, not needing his eyes to see the dark scruffy hair and pale, smooth skin of his manservant.

‘Because nothing can ever happen between us! To admit my feelings, knowing that… hurts too much.’

There was a pause, and the two of them moved ever onwards towards their goal. And all the time Arthur knew with a deep ache that when they had spoken by the riverside, he had not been talking about Gwen. _One day_ , he thought, constantly aware of Merlin’s every breath and movement as they walked together, _one day I’ll have the courage to replace ‘her’ with ‘him’._


End file.
